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Thursday, January 23, 2014

the Fragility of Pregnancy

One of my quasi-professional acquaintances is having fertility issues and she posted a link to this.
“It’s become a kind of taboo for a woman to say that she wants to have a family before her career,” said another doctor. “We’re encouraged to have this ‘if it is meant to be it will just happen’ attitude when the reality is that it can be a lot of work and sacrifice to have a baby. You have to really decide if you want kids and if you do you’d be better off to plan for it. We teach women plenty about how to plan to prevent a pregnancy but then we teach them almost nothing about how to plan for one because we don’t want to offend them? It’s not politics, it’s science.”
Now, I’m evidence that things often do not go according to plan and that you can have difficulty having a child even in your 20′s but I think their points are well made. Just like we’re supposed to make being thin and pretty look easy, we’re also supposed to make pregnancy and motherhood look easy. I understand why many women choose not to tell people they’re pregnant until after the first trimester is successfully completed and the major risk of miscarriage is past but part of me is sad that we feel like we can’t trust other women with our loss. Selvaratnam says, “Even though it is so common (25 percent of clinically recognized pregnancies end in miscarriage), we still feel like failures when it happens to us. It’s a deeply emotional and physiologically trying experience, and it’s hard in general to talk about pain.” I would add that fertility treatments and struggles are equally taboo topics as well. What are we so afraid of?
My first.... ah..... ex and I are still friends and she has been married for awhile. We are still close friends and she has suffered more than one miscarriage and I can honestly say I don't know how she feels. I do know that for her last pregnancy she traveled as little as possible because what so many people do not realize is that the little life inside can be fragile no matter how young or healthy you are.

I could not begin to tell her I knew how she felt.

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